Regret

     I don't usually write personal articles on this Blog.  What I'm about to write actually started out as a journal entry but something made me move it here.  I'm not sure why and it may end up so personal that I won't post it but I have been suffering from writer's block and I think keeping this inside may be why.  I seem to be trapped under a black cloud.  I have had a very bad couple of years.
     Luck.  I think I used to have it and maybe one day I will again.  Hopefully anyway, but I haven't had any for a very long time.  I haven't seemed to have any since my divorce.  Not that I was particuarly very lucky before that it's just been really bad since then.

     I don't wan't to spend a lot of time talking about my divorce.  This isn't about that.  What's actually on my mind is what has gone on since then.  What led up to me losing a job that I really did love.  I really think in a way losing that job was a really big blow to me mentally.  I sensed it would be as I was leaving but I didn't realize just how much of a blow it would end up being.  I really miss it.
     I loved my job.  I was good at it, I enjoyed doing it, alot of times I even had fun doing it.  I worked in a really good environment, I liked the people I worked with, I had a semi-private room to work in, and was given the respect and freedom to basically manage myself.  I even had a gym membership, which I also loved and miss, on a great deal from the company.  I loved it.  If the job had paid more and had a little better insurance it would have been perfect.  But I still loved it.  And I miss it immensely.
     I wish I could have stayed.  I still obsess over how I could have stayed.  I try to think from every angle ways I could have held on to that job.  You see, I wasn't fired.  I had to quit.
     I miss it though.  I miss the people and the job.  Durkee you and your huge thumb nail and chubby goattee face and big fake diamond earrings.  Paul, you and your humurous anbiguousness, I loved all you guys.  I hope your all doing well.